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Breaking Free: From Drama to Empowerment in Leadership and Life
- katrincharlton
- Jun 1, 2023
- 4 min read
Updated: Jul 8
Breaking Free: From Drama to Empowerment in Leadership and Life
As a leader or entrepreneur, navigating challenges and conflicts is inevitable. At times, you may find yourself stuck in cycles of negativity—draining your energy and blocking your progress. You might unknowingly step into one of three roles: Victim, Persecutor, or Rescuer.
These roles form part of the Drama Triangle, a concept introduced by Stephen Karpman in 1968 to describe dysfunctional relationship patterns. The good news? There’s a way out. By shifting from the Drama Triangle to the Empowerment Triangle—an alternative model proposed by David Emerald in 2005—you can cultivate healthier, more productive interactions with yourself and others.
Let’s explore both models and how to transition from drama to empowerment.
The Drama Triangle: Stuck in a Cycle
The Drama Triangle revolves around three self-sabotaging roles:
The Persecutor: Blames, criticises, or controls others, often feeling superior or frustrated.
The Rescuer: Steps in to ‘save’ or ‘fix’ others, leading to guilt or burnout.
The Victim: Feels powerless, stuck, or hopeless, reinforcing a cycle of frustration.
These roles create a power game where conflict lingers, and true resolution remains elusive. For example:
A team leader (Persecutor) criticises a team member (Victim) for missing a deadline, causing another colleague (Rescuer) to step in and defend them. The team leader then shifts to feeling like a Victim, claiming they are unsupported, while the original Victim might later blame the Rescuer for making things worse.
A manager (Rescuer) constantly steps in to fix a struggling employee’s work, preventing them from learning. When the employee fails again, the manager shifts into a Persecutor role, criticising their lack of initiative.
A business owner (Victim) feels overwhelmed by financial difficulties and expects their advisor (Rescuer) to fix it. When the advisor sets clear financial steps, the owner shifts into a Persecutor role, criticising the plan as unrealistic.
This cycle plays out in professional, personal, and even internal dialogues, keeping individuals stuck in frustration and inefficiency.
What is the Drama Triangle?
The Drama Triangle illustrates unproductive and potentially toxic relationship dynamics through three roles:
The Persecutor: Blames, criticizes, or controls others, often feeling superior or angry.
The Rescuer: Intervenes to save or fix others, acting as a hero but feeling guilty or overly responsible.
The Victim: Feels helpless, hopeless, or powerless, often acting as a sufferer and feeling sad or defeated.
These roles feed into a power game where conflict persists and resolution remains elusive. For instance:
A Persecutor may provoke a Victim, prompting a Rescuer to step in. This dynamic can shift roles as individuals swap between Victim, Persecutor, or Rescuer.
A Rescuer’s interference might create dependency, inviting criticism from a Persecutor, leading to further role-swapping.
A Victim’s helplessness might manipulate a Rescuer’s compassion, drawing resentment from a Persecutor.
The Drama Triangle can appear in personal, professional, and even internal relationships, perpetuating cycles of negativity and dissatisfaction.
What is the Empowerment Triangle?
The Empowerment Triangle offers a healthier, solution-focused alternative with three roles:
The Creator: Focuses on vision and goals rather than problems, acting as an innovator or achiever and feeling inspired.
The Challenger: Supports others to achieve their goals constructively, acting as an advocate and feeling respectful.
The Coach: Helps others discover solutions for themselves, acting as a mentor or facilitator and feeling curious and compassionate.
In the Empowerment Triangle, relationships foster collaboration and growth. For example:
A Creator shares their goals and invites feedback from Challengers and Coaches while overcoming obstacles and learning.
A Challenger provides constructive feedback and suggestions while staying flexible and open-minded.
A Coach asks open-ended questions and offers tools or resources to empower others.
This model creates positivity and momentum in relationships and within oneself.
Breaking free from the Drama Triangle requires conscious effort and a commitment to change. Here are steps to help:
1. Recognize the Drama Triangle
Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours during conflicts. Identify which role you’re playing and how it impacts you and others.
2. Take Responsibility
Acknowledge your role and your power to respond differently. Avoid blaming others for your problems or overstepping to fix theirs. Take ownership of your actions.
3. Adopt Empowerment Roles
Transition into the roles within the Empowerment Triangle:
Be a Creator: Focus on what you want to achieve and take proactive steps.
Be a Challenger: Support and encourage others constructively without criticism.
Be a Coach: Guide others to discover their own solutions through curiosity and compassion.
4. Communicate Respectfully
Use language that fosters collaboration rather than conflict. For example:
Instead of “You always make me feel bad” (Victim), say “I feel hurt when you say that” (Creator).
Instead of “You need to do this” (Persecutor), say “I suggest trying this” (Challenger).
Instead of “I’ll do it for you” (Rescuer), say “How can I support you?” (Coach).
5. Seek Support
If transitioning feels challenging, consider working with a coach or therapist. They can provide guidance, tools, and encouragement to help you navigate these shifts.
Final Thoughts
The Drama Triangle represents relationships rooted in fear, blame, and dependency. In contrast, the Empowerment Triangle thrives on confidence, respect, and collaboration. By recognising your patterns, taking responsibility, and adopting empowering roles, you can transform your interactions and create more fulfilling relationships.
Reflection Questions:
Have you experienced the Drama Triangle or Empowerment Triangle in your work or personal life? How did it impact you and others?
What actions can you take today to step into an Empowerment role in your relationships?
If this post resonated with you or sparked new insights, share your thoughts in the comments. I’d love to hear from you!
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