Values vs Needs: What’s Really Driving You?

Let me explore this a bit further...

I wrote this blog because I see so many high-achievers and leaders feeling stuck, exhausted, or misaligned—not because they lack drive, but because they’re unclear on what’s truly fuelling their choices. Is it a value? A need? Or someone else’s expectation?

When we understand what drives us—our values, strengths, and purpose—we can lead with more clarity, confidence, and energy.

What truly drives us? It's rarely just the goal itself—but the values we hold, the strengths we bring, and the purpose that gives it meaning.

Values: The How Behind the Why

Values are our guiding principles. They’re not about survival—they’re about meaning. They shape how we behave, how we lead, and how we relate to the world around us.

But values aren’t just words we tick off a list. They need to be lived. They show up in our decisions, our tone, our boundaries, and our leadership.

As Brené Brown wisely says:“We can’t live into values we can’t name.”And I would add: we can’t live into values we don’t understand—what they truly mean to us, and how we bring them to life each day.

Here’s something worth pausing on: our values often drive our behaviours, even when we’re not consciously aware of it. When we take a moment to reflect on a reaction, a choice, or a conflict, we often discover a value sitting underneath it.

🧭 When exploring your values, consider these powerful questions:

Is this really my value—or am I trying to live up to someone else’s expectations?
Do I genuinely act from this value, or do I wish I were more like someone who does?
How does this value want to be lived in my personal and professional life (as that’s often a little different)?

Sometimes, we confuse aspirations or external influence with our core values. Aspirations are hopes or ideals we admire or strive towards—but they don’t always reflect how we currently live or make decisions. Taking a moment to reflect can help you reconnect with what’s truly yours.

For example, a leader who becomes frustrated in meetings might, deep down, value honesty or efficiency—and feel those are being compromised. Understanding this can shift their approach and reduce friction.

Which is why it's so helpful to understand not only our values but the behaviours that support them. If I want to live into my value of curiosity—about growth and learning—then I need to make space to ask questions, explore ideas, and seek new perspectives. For me, that means protecting time for reflection and continuous development.

🧠 A neuroscience nugget: Our brains are constantly scanning for what's meaningful. This is where something called value tagging (see my blog on the topic) comes in. The brain tags certain experiences or goals as “important” based on past emotional relevance—which often links directly back to our values and what motivates us. This aligns with findings in affective neuroscience, such as those discussed by Lisa Feldman Barrett and Antonio Damasio. The more clearly we define and revisit our values, the more our brain helps filter choices and actions that align with them.

Where Does Purpose Fit In?

If values are the how, then purpose is the why.Your purpose gives you direction—your values shape the path you take. When you are clear on both, your actions start to feel more aligned, less forced.

This is often where the real shift happens for my clients: when they connect their core values to a sense of purpose, they begin to lead with greater confidence, clarity, and energy.

Where Do Health, Security, Freedom and Belonging Fit In?

The line between values and needs can sometimes blur.

Here’s a list I often see clients get confused by — a few examples to reflect on:

Health – A fundamental need. But if you approach it with discipline or balance, those are the values driving the behaviour.
Fitness – Often a value. If you prioritise it for growth or resilience, it becomes more than just a routine.
Security – Generally a need. Yet for some, stability and predictability are deeply held values.
Freedom – Can be both. As a need, it’s about the freedom to speak, move, and be. As a value, it reflects openness, possibility, and choice.
Belonging – A core need. But it’s also a value for those who intentionally foster connection, inclusion, and community.

These blurred lines make it even more valuable to pause and ask yourself:🧭 Is this an unmet need, or a value I’m not honouring?

My Own Compass: Values That Ground My Work

For me, a few values stand strong and steady:

Kindness – How I show up, hold space, and lead—especially when it’s hard. It is underpinned by empathy, patience, trust, respect, and integrity.
Courage – My quiet engine. It moves me forward in uncertainty, hard conversations, or big life shifts. It also includes a strong need for honesty and truth.
Curiosity – A constant companion that wants to be believed in. It keeps me learning, questioning, exploring, and asking questions that open up possibility. It can create restlessness.
Freedom – A value that shapes how I live and work. I thrive in environments that allow creativity, expression, and expansion. And yes, there might be a bit of need in there too—especially the need for financial freedom.

When I act in alignment with these, I feel grounded and energised. When I don’t, I feel stuck or disconnected.

And What About Strengths?

Often, our strengths and values are closely linked. If you value learning, your strength might be adaptability or strategic thinking. If you value connection, you may be naturally strong at building trust or leading with empathy.

This is why exploring your strengths alongside your values can be so powerful—especially during transitions. Together, they offer insight into what energises you, what drains you, and where your impact lies.

Why This Matters for Leaders

If you’re leading a team, navigating a shift, or wondering what’s next – clarity around your values and motivations matters.

🔹 It supports decision-making – Values offer a compass when the path isn’t clear

🔹 It strengthens executive presence – Leading from your values creates the authenticity, clarity, and energy others instantly sense

🔹 It adds clarity and direction – Making uncertainty and transitions easier to navigate

🔹 It builds confidence – When you’re anchored in what matters, you stop second-guessing

🔹 It deepens trust – People feel it when you lead from a place of alignment

🔹 It prevents burnout – When you honour your values, you tap into sustainable energy

This is the foundation of the work I do with many of my clients: helping them reconnect with what truly drives them, align with their purpose, and lead in a way that feels both powerful and authentic.

Final Thought

Needs keep us going.Values keep us aligned. They are the how.

Purpose gives us direction. It is the why.

Strengths reveal how we can deliver our best.

When these align, something powerful happens: they generate authentic motivation that’s both compelling and sustainable.

You lead with conviction, energy, and authenticity.

So, what’s truly driving you right now?

Resources to Explore

If this has sparked something in you, here are a few resources I often recommend:

Brené Brown – Dare to Lead: A masterclass in values, courage, and integrity in leadership
Simon Sinek – Start With Why: A powerful lens on purpose, clarity, and motivation
James Clear – Atomic Habits: Especially the chapters on identity, habits, and values-based action
Strengths Profile: A brilliant tool to help explore the link between values, motivation, and strengths
Lisa Lahey & Robert Kegan – Immunity to Change: A powerful resource for exploring internal blockers to living your values
Antonio Damasio – The Feeling of What Happens: For a deeper understanding of emotion, meaning, and decision-making in the brain