.png){kind=small}
.png){kind=small}
💥The Paradox of Strength
- katrincharlton
- Apr 7
- 4 min read
We celebrate strengths for good reason.
They’re what we lean on when things get tough. They shape our leadership style, how we build relationships, and how we navigate challenge.
In interviews, development plans, and boardroom conversations, strengths are what we’re encouraged to play to.
But here’s the paradox: The very strengths that fuel your success… can also quietly hold you back.
It’s something I see often in coaching conversations with high-achievers:
They’re not stuck because of a lack of ability. They’re stuck because their greatest strengths have become overused—or no longer fit the context they’re in.
What Is a Strength—and Where Do They Come From?
Strengths are patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that feel natural and energising when used. According to positive psychology researchers Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson, our strengths are often closely tied to our core values—what truly matters to us.
But they don’t develop in a vacuum. Strengths are shaped by our upbringing, life experiences, and the cultures we grow up, live, and work in. What was praised in school, rewarded at work, or encouraged at home often becomes a go-to strength.
They’re also linked to our personality traits—such as empathy, perseverance, openness, or conscientiousness. These traits influence what we’re naturally drawn to and how we engage with the world. Research shows these preferences show up in our brains as patterns of activity—meaning our strengths are literally wired in.
So when a strength becomes familiar, it’s not just preference—it’s also physiology.
🧭 In short: strengths aren’t fixed. They evolve with us—and so must the way we use them.
🚦When Strengths Go Into Overdrive
This is where the paradox becomes clear.
A strength overused—or applied without awareness—can tip into a liability.
Here are a few patterns I often see in coaching:
Confidence → Arrogance Believing in yourself is essential—but ignoring others’ input can block growth.
Empathy → Emotional Overload Caring deeply connects us—but can leave us drained and overly responsible.
Resilience → Inflexibility Grit gets us through tough times—but can keep us stuck in unhelpful situations.
Drive → Burnout Ambition fuels success—but without rest and reflection, it depletes.
Detail-Orientation → Perfectionism Precision is valuable—until it stalls progress and feeds self-doubt.
Determination → Stubbornness Keeps us going—but can make it hard to pivot or pause, even when it’s needed.
Effectiveness & Speed → Impatience The drive to move fast can result in rushed decisions, reduced collaboration, and burnout across the team.
Logic & Analysis → Disconnection A love for reason and structure is powerful—but when it overrides emotion or intuition, it can disconnect us from people and possibility.
We don’t need to throw our strengths out. We need to recognise when they’re no longer helping—and let them evolve.
🧠 A Neuroscience Nugget
Our brains love shortcuts. When we use a strength often, it becomes like a fast lane on the Autobahn—efficient, automatic, and hard to slow down.
This is part of how the brain builds habits. Over time, those behaviours become so ingrained that we default to them—even when the context changes.
This process, known as myelination, strengthens the neural pathways we use most. And it links closely to our personality traits and natural tendencies, which shape how our brain builds these internal “routes”.
But the good news? Our brains are adaptable. Thanks to neuroplasticity, we can create new pathways by gently practising different behaviours, exploring lesser-used strengths, or simply slowing down to reflect.
🧠 In short: your strengths don’t have to define you—they can grow with you.
✨ A Personal Reflection
Determination is one of my core strengths. It’s helped me push through challenges, stay focused on long-term goals, and keep going when things felt uncertain.
It’s served me well in building my business, supporting clients, and navigating transitions in my own life.
But there were moments where that same determination became a double-edged sword.I’ve clung to plans when they clearly needed to shift. I’ve kept going when I should have paused.And I’ve sometimes mistaken stubbornness for resilience.
The lesson: A strength doesn’t need to be abandoned. It needs to be balanced, redirected, and used with intention.
Practical Ways to Work with the Paradox
Name the strength – Get clear on your top 3 strengths and how they show up at work and in life.
Track your triggers – When does this strength show up? What situations lead to overuse?
Notice the cost – Ask: What’s the impact—on me, others, and the outcome—when I overdo this?
Balance with another strength –
Empathy? Pair it with boundaries.
Drive? Pair it with rest.
Confidence? Pair it with curiosity.
Create a stretch challenge – Try using a lesser-used strength this week. If you’re naturally quick to decide, stretch into listening more before acting.
Set an intention – Before your next meeting or decision, pause and ask: What strength do I want to lead with here? And which one might I need to soften?
Invite feedback – Ask someone you trust: Do you ever notice me overusing [insert strength]?
🔍 Want to Go Deeper?
Here are a few resources if you'd like to explore further:
Test: VIA Character Strengths – Research-backed tool by Seligman & Peterson
Book: StrengthsFinder 2.0 by Tom Rath – Based on Gallup’s long-term research into talents and development
Article: The Neuroscience of Self-Awareness – Harvard Business Review – Insight into how our brain shapes self-leadership
🌱 Final Thought
Understanding and recalibrating your strengths is a powerful part of navigating transitions.
It’s how you grow—not by pushing harder, but by pausing, adjusting, and choosing what truly serves you now.
In my coaching, it’s often about both:🌀 Learning how to lean more into your natural strengths—and🛠 Knowing when to adapt, evolve, and recalibrate those strengths to match the moment.
This is what I support my clients with every day: helping successful leaders and founders navigate change and turn it into real opportunity.
If this resonates and you’d like to explore how this could look for you or your team, get in touch:
📧 Email: katrin@kbccoaching.com📞 Call or message: +44 7881 644323
Let’s recalibrate your strengths for what’s next.
Comments