What if it’s not failure you’re afraid of

katrincharlton
5 days ago
3 min read

—but everything that might change if you succeed?

A few months ago, I worked with a client—we’ll call him Carlos. A senior leader. Sharp thinker. Incredibly driven. On paper, he was more than ready for the next big role. The promotion was his to take.

But something kept getting in the way.

Each time the opportunity came closer, he’d pull back. Delay a conversation. Talk himself out of applying.

“I don’t think it’s the right time,” he told me.

At first, it looked like fear of failure.

But as we explored it together in coaching, a different truth emerged. He wasn’t afraid of failing—he was afraid of what might change if he succeeded.

More visibility. Higher expectations. A shift in how others might see him—and how he might see himself.

Why it matters to name the fear

If we name it we can tame it.

Most of us are familiar with the fear of failure .It’s our brain’s natural alarm system. We’re wired to avoid threat—judgement, rejection, getting it wrong.

It often shows up as:

Overthinking decisions
Playing it safe
Waiting to be “100% ready”
Avoiding support

But fear of success? That’s different. It’s quieter. Trickier. It hides behind good reasons, busyness, or hesitation.

It can sound like:

“What if I lose myself in the process?”
“Am I really ready for that level?”
“What will people think if I put myself out there?”

Often, it’s a fear of change disguised as modesty.

As Gay Hendricks writes in The Big Leap, many of us carry an internal “upper limit”—a hidden belief about how much success, love, or joy we’re allowed.When we reach that edge, we may unconsciously hold ourselves back. Not because we’re weak, but because our inner system is trying to protect us.

Success and fear go hand in hand

The brain is wired for safety, not growth. Even positive change—like a promotion, scaling your business, or stepping into a new identity—can trigger the stress response. Not because something’s wrong with you, but because the brain labels new as risky.

So if you find yourself hesitating, even as you reach for the thing you’ve worked so hard for—it’s not a flaw. It’s a sign. A signal that something meaningful is on the line.

And that’s the moment to pause and get curious.

The shift starts with awareness

Success and failure both demand something from us. Both stretch us. Both ask us to release a version of ourselves to make space for the next.

The real work? Naming the fear—and understanding what it’s truly about.

Because if it’s fear of failure, the support might be around building confidence, resilience, and taking imperfect action.

If it’s fear of success, the work goes deeper. It often touches identity, visibility, and what success might cost—to your time, relationships, or self-image.

Naming it gives you back choice. And with choice, you can respond rather than retreat.

Three gentle questions to reflect on:

🌀 What am I really afraid of—getting it wrong, or getting it right?

🌀 What would success actually change for me or those around me?

🌀 What might be possible if I moved forward, even with the fear?

Carlos eventually went for the role—not because the fear vanished, but because he realised it wasn’t there to stop him. It was there to remind him: this matters.

He gave himself permission to grow into his next chapter. And maybe that’s what success really asks of us:

✨ To make space for who we are becoming.

Are you holding yourself back?

Whether you’re stepping up, shifting direction, or feeling stuck despite your success—get in touch to explore how we can work together so you can move forward with clarity, purpose and courage.

I offer one-to-one coaching programmes—and soon, a group coaching experience—tailored for senior leaders navigating transitions. If this resonates, I’d love to hear from you.

📚 Further reading: